If I Cried Everytime I Had These Problems...

Breaking away from sports for a moment, I have to mention what is quite possibly the most entertaining show on television: The Pick Up Artist. Here's the premise: A master pick up artist named Mystery (yeah, that's his name) teaches nerds how to pick up women. I just had to see it for myself. This guy looks like he raided Marilyn Manson's wardrobe circa 1998. I've only seen one episode, and there were only three contestants left. What happens is Mystery (yeah, that's his name) has the guys go to a strip club, where the objective is to hook up with a dancer. My favorite lines: "Is being a stripper what you wanted to do with your life?" and "Where are the hot girls at?". Those were said by the same guy; the one who ended up making out with one of the girls in the back of a limo. Great stuff.

Well, needless to say, the other two hopefuls were on the chopping block. And here's what transpired: Guy #1 and Guy #2 are waiting for Mystery (yeah, that's his name) to announce who's going home, and while they wait, they are holding each other's hands. Not quite the kind of studliness a master pick up artist should show. Then, after Guy #1 is eliminated, Guy #2 starts crying. Again, not quite the kind of studliness a master pick up artist should show. This is followed by a Baywatch-esque montage, showing all of the emotional challenges Guy #1 had to endure during his stay.

With all of the emotions and drama this show tries to generate, remember one thing: the objective is to teach otherwise nice guys how to trick women into sleeping with them. It's impossible not to laugh when every time they show a contestant breaking down because of his failure to impress Mystery (yeah, that's his name), you remember that the reason he wants to stay is to learn how to have sex with a different Maxim model every day of the week. Life is rough.

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By the way, I saw a commercial during this show with Usher and Martha Stewart talking about perfume, and Usher was wearing a purple sweater. What happened to that guy? He needs to shoot somebody to get his credibility back, preferably Mystery (yeah, that's his name).