The Worst Article Ever Written

In my time as a writer and an avid reader, I have come across some horrendous articles. The kind that leave you with a smaller IQ and a sudden urge to binge drink. Admittedly, some of my own probably fall into that category. But one has risen of the rest, the cream of the crap crop, if you will. And to some, it will be no surprise that the name signed at the bottom is that of one Jason Whitlock.

It sure was no shock to me. I've never been a fan of Whitlock, who has made a living injecting racism into any and every topic known to man. In J-Dubb's world, the previous sentence is proof that I secretly hate black people. It's a shortcut to thinking and offensive.

So I now present to you his worst, in my opinion. "Cuban's out of line and it's Stern's fault" deserves attention. As you already know, Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban apparently called the Nuggets' Kenyon Martin a thug to his mother's face, along with reports that many Dallas fans were harassing family members of Nuggets players. Here's my problem:

Does Stern not understand the culture of the league he oversees? Does he fail
to comprehend the position Kenyon Martin is in if he fails to publicly (and
perhaps physically) defend his mama?

Right or wrong, disrespecting a black man's mama publicly has always been a
drop-the-gloves moment. When a billionaire white man does it, it becomes a
ride-or-die episode for the entire neighborhood.

Last I checked, Martin plays in a league dominated by black men hailing from
the don't-talk-about-my-mama culture.

Yes, this is about race. And it's news to me that black men are the only people in this country that take offense to people disrespecting their parents. What's amazing to me is that a champion of race like Whitlock seems to allows fuel the stereotypes rather than seek the reality. Well, not that amazing. It's what he does. The "thug" culture, which is so reviled by minorities, thrives on ideas such as don't-talk-about-my-mama.

Most stereotypes cannot be avoided. Fried chicken and watermelon simply taste good, eat as much as you want. And you should feel anger at anyone stepping up to your mother. Fact is, we all feel that way. To corner the market of loving your mom and act as if it's a higher transgression because it's happening to you is what causes contempt, from both the majority and minority. Injustice is injustice. Cuban was wrong, not because Mrs. Martin has dark skin, but because his actions are indefensible in and of itself.

And I'm just getting started.

He's a billionaire owner who should be well above mixing it up with
fans.

The difference between (Ron) Artest and Cuban is a few billion dollars and
a fair complexion.

There are two different kinds of people. Those who think Cuban is a loudmouth, and those who are glad to see "one of them" owning a major sports team. Most of the time, I fall into the latter group. In this instance I fall into both. Cuban was wrong, and it was his loudmouth persona that made him say the things he did. But I don't set him to a higher standard because of his bank account, and I enjoy the fact that an owner can still be himself (even if that means we have to experience his asshole-ish ways). And by no means do I think he deserves different treatment because he is white, as Whitlock clearly states above. I mean, could you imagine if Tony Kornheiser or Rick Reilly said that Mo Cheeks needs to approach white refs in a different way than Phil Jackson because he was black? J-Dubb would be all over that one.

And one more thing:

I was shocked Wednesday night when Charles Barkley and Chris Webber pretended
that Cuban's apology was enough justice. Sir Charles and C-Webb sounded like
Cuban enablers. They must all play in the same charity golf events.

That's right boys and girls, Barkley and Webber are Uncle Toms! The fact that they didn't immediately join Team Black is proof enough that all their tee-times with The Man have turned them from FUBU to J. Crew. Ridiculous. There is no bigger divider in the world of sports than Jason Whitlock. He draws the lines, he makes you choose a side. Disrespect is different if the two parties have different skin. He does his small part to kill any progress of race relations that has been built in the last few decades. It's as if he is uncomfortable with equality. He commentates on an industry that is minority-dominated, but cannot come to grasps that a white/black confrontation is just a human/human confrontation.

The seeds of discontent and chaos take root in the absence of justice.

Actually, they take root in the presence of hate and ignorance. Two things that consume the public persona of Whitlock, and garner a bank account much closer to Mark Cuban's than yours or mine.

Brett, don't go away mad, just go away

I'm not a Packers fan, and I will never be able to express what their emotions are or what the legacy of Brett Favre will mean to them in the years to come. From what I hear, they range from homicidal anger to cynical distance, so who really knows what Favre fans fell. Hell, they probably don;t even know themselves. Which makes this whole scene interesting (for once). Nobody has confused, alienated and infuriated a fan base quite like Favre has. And my feelings have subtly gone from boredom to fascination.

What's noteworthy here is that for the first time, a superstar could turn his fans against him because of nothing more than indecisiveness. What's fueled Favre's retirement/comeback/retirement/comeback isn't some Madhoffian grab for money or clash of heads with management, but a honest-to-God confusion on what to do with his life. Unfortunately for him, he is a star at the highest level, and his somewhat embarrassing lack of decision making is in front of the world to see. And his image of a backwoods tough-guy gunslinger is morphing into that of a neurotic, spoiled golden boy whose life is as disoriented as a teenage girl's. And this, above all else, is extremely sad to witness.

It's no longer about whether he can, wants to, or should still play. And it's not about Favre playing in the NFC North, or betraying Packers fans. It's about destroying a once untouchable image that Favre and the media have created. It's a superhero coming down to Earth. Whatever the dilemma is, it's on public display. A fragile mind further being crushed under the weight of mass scrutiny.

Most importantly, it sure as hell ain't football.

Just Manny Being Like Everyone Else

Like most people with boring, unfulfilling jobs, I find myself spending roughly 5-7% of my time at work day-dreaming about what I would do if I won the lottery. Part of this fantasy is imagining my reaction to instantly becoming a millionaire. Would I flip out and run the streets naked and laughing? Perhaps I would would break down and cry in a fit of joy. And maybe, just maybe I would show up to work the next day as drunk as Dudley Moore in 'Arthur', walk into my boss's office, and happily sing "Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye" while urinating on his carpet. Yeah, I have a lot of downtime.

Which got me thinking; what would my reaction be to hear any baseball player of the past two decades tested positive to steroids. Manny Ramirez was one I thought I would drop my jaw over, but in reality, I merely shrugged and went about my day. So would anyone one name surprise me? Here's one: Greg Maddux.

Now, considering Maddux was a precision pitcher and not a rocket arm, there's somewhat like a 1% chance he used. But as Lloyd Christmas once said, so you're telling me there's a chance. And if Maddux was doped up, EVERYONE was doped up. That news would rock baseball's foundation as much as the initial steroid stories did. But Manny? Another one bites the dust, construction on the new wing of the Hall is already underway. That's what this whole bloody mess has become; a separation of stats. We can no longer compare Manny to Aaron or Clemens to Ryan. Until all of these players are retired and out of the picture, baseball will exist in a bubble and will be judged as such.

Just don't tell me that Greg Maddux was juiced. That would be worse than performing my "Na Na Hey Hey" dance with last week's Powerball numbers.

Tony Gonzales : Kansas City Folk Hero

The entire Kansas City metro area is at DEFCON 5. Suicide watch is on, pharmacies are running out of Xanax. Sports shops look like Old West ghost towns. Citizens are walking around aimlessly with a cold, lifeless stare in their eyes, as if they're extras in a George Romero movie. Things have gotten so bad that people were actually seen in the Power and Light District wearing untucked shirts. My god, the apocalypse. What has happened to my fair city?

Of course. Tony Gonzales has been traded. And the inevitable has begun; Chiefs fans are starting to question Lord Scott Pioli and his Patriot ways. How dare he run the most beloved athlete in KC out of town! The Chiefs might as well pack it in for 09-10. Hell, the 2nd round pick we got for him is for next year's draft anyways. Isn't ironic that a Patriot seems to show no loyalty at all? Might as well pay attention to the Royals.

Except, you know, that this was the RIGHT move. Actually, it was the right move last year, where King Carl put the amount of butts in the seat as a priority over number of wins. Where Gonzo would have warranted multiple draft picks. Where the youth movement could have started a year earlier. But we couldn't let go of Tony G. So when the win total plummeted down to two, we ran Carl out and cried for a GM that would make the necessary sacrifices to build a winner.

Well guess what Chiefs fans, that man is Scott Pioli, and he is doing what's necessary. Letting go of Gonzales, bring in Matt Cassel, and probably trading down on Saturday is what needs to be done. he has no sympathetic loyalties to this team, and that is a good thing. Tony didn't want to be here, as he expressed numerous times. He, like most Kansas City sports fans, doesn't want to wait for a team that is rebuilding. He wants to win now. And he doesn't care if it's in a Chiefs jersey or not. Gonzo is just like every other athlete, not some saintly super-performer who catches touchdowns by day, and saves babies from burning buildings at night. He is no more loyal than anybody else.

When it comes down to it, Gonzales and Pioli only care about one thing; winning. And the only way either of them was going to get what they want was to part ways. This is how it works. Throughout the entire Peterson Era, there was nothing but bitching about how the Chiefs never went over that hump. Well, you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet, which is what Pioli is doing now. And look, the fans are bitching about that now. You can't have it both ways.

I wish Tony Gonzales all the best with Atlanta. I'm sad to see him go, but it had to be done. Hopefully Chiefs fans can start to realize this and understand that it's going to be a rocky road to the top, but man, it's worth it.

Angels and Devils

The early 2009 MLB season has been plagued with deaths. Harry Kalas passing away swept sadness over the league and fans. Upon hearing Mark Fidrych's death, there was a collective "hmm, that's too bad, that guy was awesome". But the loudest responses were those of anger geared towards Andrew Thomas Gallo, the man who crashed into and killed Angels pitcher Nick Adenhart.

Outside of the Los Angeles area and of deep baseball circles, nobody knew who the hell Adenhart was. But the outrage over his death makes you think that he was some kind of sports icon. Don't get me wrong, the whole scene was and is tragic and unfortunate. What I can't understand is, well, why anybody cares.

What seems to get everybody hot under the collar is that Gallo was drunk behind the wheel. And drunk driving is so unforgivable that Gallo's family has had to move upon receiving death threats. All you have to do is look at some of the comments from ESPN readers.

If this Family had done a better job or raising this kid....he wouldn't have grown up to be such a screw up murdering idiot.

he's a drunk scum bag

He should be the one dead

I hope he burns for this, period.

And on and on. Which is funny (though not funny ha-ha), considering this is coming from fans of a league that approved Coors Field and Busch Stadium. Where beer flows more than any other sport. You can't watch a baseball game without seeing roughly 2,000 Bud Light commercials. Many parks have beer gardens. Beer, beer, beer. Drink, drink, drink. Have a safe ride home.

Now I know, promoting drinking doesn't promote drinking and driving. I'm not saying it does. But sports is alcohol-fueled entertainment, and any crime that involves booze probably shouldn't be further demonized by sports fans of all people. Adenhart's death was horrible, and Gallo will get what's coming to him through the justice system. Just stop acting like this was a bigger tragedy than every other drunk-driving death in this country just because it hit our little world. Before that fateful night, nobody knew who Adenhart was, and it's unfortunate that his legacy will be one that is fueled by hate by the sport's own drunken fans.

Play ball.